Alternative to Punishment: Ask a Question

Don't you just hate it when your child pushes you to the point where

you feel you need to discipline him or her at any cost?

Now, when your child pushes you to your limit,
you'll be able to use one or several of these effective
alternatives to punishment to do the right thing.

Before we jump into explaining this alternative,
we just want to let you know that we hope you've
been noticing some positive response
from your child by using these alternatives.

Did you notice any changes in your child's behavior
when you didn't react in the same old way?
Did they look at you funny, wonder what's going on?

We're happy for you. Making big changes and even
bigger progress towards becoming the parent you want to be.

Now that you know what it feels like to stop, evaluate
and empathize, there is another step...

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Alternative to Punishment: Ask a Question
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It's critical to always ask questions to get clear on your child's motives.
I will use a real-life example to demonstrate.
But you want to frame your questions in the way that will help you provide
the solution to your child's problem.

So if your child is lacking affection - you can ask a question like:
"do you want mommy to just hold you, or listen to you, or sing to you?"

If your child responds positively, then this question addresses their true needs.

Here's a story where we can use a different type of question...

My son was scratching paint off the wall with a spoon and I asked the question:
"What are you doing?"

Instead of immediately jumping to a conclusion, I asked a question.
In this way I'm able to quickly discover why my son was doing that
in order to provide a better solution so as to prevent it from happening
again.

By asking and listening I'm gaining vital information
about my son as well as myself.

So, after asking my son what he was doing
when he was scratching paint off the wall...
He looked at me as if he couldn't believe I
was asking such a rediculous question, and said:

"I'm taking the snow off my spaceship."

Now my first thought was he was trying to drive me nuts.
But when I saw that he really truly believed with all his heart
in what he was doing, I understood him better. I was better able to
empathize and in turn not react in an "old way".

When I understood the situation I could then explain to him that I
don't want paint coming off the wall but would be happy to provide
something else to do of a similar nature.

Things that seem absurd to us can be perfectly normal to our
children. Their doing something that makes sense to them, but
it may not always make sense to us.

So instead of just assuming that your child is purposely making a
mess, or bothering you, stop and ask a question first.

You may be surprised at what they tell you and gain a better
understanding of their motives. Children have wild and vivid
imaginations. The more we understand and respect our child,
the more they will respect us, and in turn become more cooperative.

We've seen this work for countless of families who've used this approach.
The more children are given space and respect, the more they want to help out.

Here's another good example of when I asked a question....

We were at a restaurant with my son. And like most children,
he sometimes doesn't eat his vegetables. At the table he took the
soy sauce and poured some in his water..

"oh oh!" I thought "this could get messy..."

But before reacting, I evaluated the situation and observed...
Then I could see that he was going to pour his water in his
food bowl...
I was considering objecting and offering him an alternative,
but instead I asked him what he was doing...

He then told me he was enjoying his broccoli in a "certain way".
By dipping it in the soy sauce water and eating it. It wasn't an
appetizing recipe for myself...

But he was happy eating his vegetables that way
- so who am I to try and stop him?

Try it for yourself and see. If you start asking questions
instead of jumping to conclusions you will notice a
marked difference in your child.

Try this the next time your child does something that upsets you...

First empathize with your child and practice "non-reaction."
Then ask them what they're doing.
Once they tell you what they are up to,
try to understand what they are doing from their point of view.
From here you can offer them something else to do
(which we will talk about in great detail next week).

Also, pay close attention to see if they act differently.

What if my child is too young, or doesn't answer me?

If your child is four or under,
here's something handy to keep in mind...
Everything your child does is out of pure innocence and zest.
They are not doing it to upset you.
They may try to get your attention by defying you if
they need your attention,
but they are not deliberately trying to hurt you.

What if my child ignores me?

If your child blatantly ignores you
or doesn't want to speak with
you about what they are doing, that's ok.

Ask them again and explain to them what's going on for you.

"Mommy is wondering what you're doing,
and I'm concerned about the paint on the carpet.
Could you tell me what your idea is so
that I can better understand and help you."

You see, most children are used to being punished,
so they will hide what they are doing at all costs.
So if you have punished your child before, it may
take some time to get your child to openly communicate
with you without being afraid of the punishment.

If you want to have a cooperative and respectful relationship with
your child, you need to teach your child that it's safe for them to be
open and honest with you, even when they make mistakes.

They need to know it's safe to trust you. So have patience
while you practice this with your child, and be persistent. Let
them know that they can trust you and that you want to
understand them.

Remember, authoritatian punishment may make the child "behave"
in the short term, but the long term effects of this may backfire.

"Children from Authoritarian parenting lack social competence as

the parent generally predicts what the child should do instead of
allowing the child to choose by him or herself. The children
also rarely take initiatives. They are socially withdrawn and look
to others to decide what's right. These children lack spontaneity
and lack curiosity."

"These children are often the most vulnerable to enter into
relationships with or marry equally abusive and controlling
partners or develop mental illness when they enter adulthood.
(Although arguably this may be genetic as mental illness sometimes
might be the reason behind some of the more extreme cases of
authoritarian parents.)"

"On the opposite side of the spectrum some children might also
rebel by openly defying the parents by leaving home at a younger
age, partaking in drugs, alcohol, and sexual behavior at a much
younger age than some of their peers as well, dating and/or
marrying a partner whom they know their parents would disapprove
of, and often might be estranged from their parents during
adulthood."

Prévisions Météorologiques!

... Le soir, on attend les prévisions météorologiques du lendemain, sinon de la semaine! Et... c'est vraiment drôle. Il y a deux jours, une tempête sans précédant était prévue...

Le lendemain, rien du tout, un beau soleil...

Le soir du lendemain "On avait prévu une tempête, mais elle a dévié...", hehe ça arrive...

Autre bourde, hier, on prévoyait "Beau temps pour toute la semaine". Toute la nuit on entendait des orages, et ce matin, beaucoup de pluie. Wow, à voir absolument les explications ce soir... Hehe, on dirait que les prévisions sont axées sur un autre pays, voire une autre planète?

Happy Child: Know How

Do you know what the secret to a happy child is?

LISTENING.

And there are two ingredients to real listening: Love and Non-Reaction

Let me explain, love alone is not enough to raise a happy child...
If it was that there would be a lot fewer defiant and disobedient children.
If you're reading this then it's not love you're lacking, but Non-Reaction.

The secret key that parents need to cultivate is "Non-Reaction".
What this means is that you do not "react"?

Webster's dictionary defines reaction as:  "resistance or opposition to a force, influence, or movement"

Here's another definition that reminds me of what happens to many parents...
"bodily response to or activity aroused by a stimulus:
an action induced by vital resistance to another action;
...depression or exhaustion due to excessive exertion or stimulation"

Does this last line sound familiar to any mothers and fathers you know?

Reaction is basically what happens when two forces collide.

In this case the two forces are often Parent vs. Child.

The end result is usually an exhausted parent and an unhappy child.

Instead of reacting to your child's defiance - be like water.

Instead of reacting to your child when he or she is suddenly testing you,
STOP and become aware of what's really behind your child's actions.

Once you do, you'll usually see that your child has no malicious intent to bother you,
but instead their actions are due to one of three reasons:

3 Reasons Why Kids Mis-Behave

1) They're lacking information - like a toddler doesn't have the knowledge and
forethought that they should not track muddy boots on the carpet.

2) They have some tension in their body due to some stress - like a child who
gets stressed from being scolded and acts out afterwards by hurting a sibling.

3) They have a genuine need - like they're hungry, tired, or maybe they haven't had
enough physical affection that day.

Cultivate Non-Reaction
Not only will you feel much more peaceful and

less stressed in your life -
but you'll find that you'll have a much more cooperative and happy child,
by listening instead of reacting.

Children don't listen, they model.

Your child will show you the same respect you show your child.
If you "tell" them to listen, but don't listen to them yourself, they will defy you.
But if you listen to your child, he or she will if you listen to you too. 

This information is taken from the Guide to a Happy Child, for more information or to buy the Happy Child Guide, go to www.childrens-audiobooks.net

Posted via email from nicolaze's posterous

Galette des Rois

La première fois que j'ai entendu parler de la galette des rois, c'était dans un album de Boule et Bill, il y a de cela plus de 30 ans. Hier, pour la première fois, j'ai goûté à une galette des rois, et dans le morceau que je me suis servi, il y avait... La vierge? Cela veut dire que je suis le roi? A Christina, je lui disais depuis toujours que j'étais le roi, et elle, elle le répétait à qui voulait l'entendre, mais... voila au moins quelque chose de fixé...

Je croyais qu'on mettait plutôt une alliance ou quelque chose du genre dans la galette. Mais c'est intéressant de goûter à quelque chose qu'on connait sans avoir approché depuis si longtemps. Pour le goût, c'est bon, un peu sec, du genre mille-feuilles avec amandes et sucre, sans crème patissière, mais j'ai demandé à Angie de préparer de la crème patissière pour mon second morceau (s'il reste un second morceau pour moi pour ce soir). Angie, c'est la reine de la patisserie, quand il s'agit de manger des gateaux...

Hotel Occupancy Rate for December 2010

- Lebanon Hotels Occupancy Rate for December 2010 across Lebanon Cities have reached 90 to 100%

- Additional 2000 to 3000 hotel rooms needed for 2011or are there alternate accommodation possibilities?

http://www.lebanonpackages.org/hotel-in-lebanon/hotel-in-lebanon-occupancy-rate

Posted via email from nicolaze's posterous

Egg Yolk v/s Egg White

A lot of us love to eat eggs for breakfast, especially after finding they could help with weight loss. You may be throwing away the yolks to cut calories and reduce cholesterol, which is fine but did you know that most of an egg's nutrients are found in the yolk? Take a look at the comparison below to see what you may be missing.

Want to see how an egg white and yolk compare head-to-head? Then read more

	Egg White	Egg Yolk
Calories	17	59
Fat (g)	.06	4.51
Saturated Fat (g)	0	1.6
Carbs (g)	.24	.61
Protein (g)	3.6	2.7
Cholesterol (mg)	0	210
Sodium (mg)	55	8
Calcium (mg)	2.3	21.9
Vitamin D (IU)	0	18
Folate (mcg)	1.3	24.8

Good to know: Powerfoods That Shrink Your Belly!

Who says you need to buy fancy foods to flatten your belly? These 9 stealth superfoods will help you cut calories, strip away fat, and reveal your six-pack

Hate to break it to you, but loading up on coconut water, acai berries, or any other so-called wonderfood probably isn’t going to melt your gut any more effectively than the Taco Bell diet. The good news: You don’t need lots of money or even a specialty store to get a hold of foods that actually do fight belly fat. Turns out, everyday foods such as eggs, beans, and milk may serve as your best defense against extra chub. They make you feel full, not fat, and can help you cut calories without even knowing it. So forget the gimmicks. Stock up your kitchen with these nine staples and watch the pounds drop.

Milk and Dairy

Maybe it’s time to consider trading in your slim-down shake for a tall glass of milk. A 2010 American Journal of Clinical Nutrition study found that drinking milk can nearly double your weight loss efforts. People who downed about two glasses of milk a day while on a diet lost 12 pounds over 6 months, as compared to non-milk drinkers who only dropped 7 pounds. Another study found that dieters who ate three servings of yogurt a day lost 81 percent more belly fat than once-a-day yogurt eaters. Why? Researchers think that calcium doesn’t just build strong bones—it also breaks down stomach fat and interferes with fat formation.

Oatmeal

A bowl of mush may not sound impressive, but a half of a cup of this powerful whole grain contains 15 grams of hunger-quenching fiber at only 150 calories. Unlike more processed and enriched alternatives, whole grains don’t cause wild swings in blood-glucose levels, so you aren’t hit by rebound food cravings an hour after your breakfast. That probably explains why people who eat a diet rich in whole grains can lose 2.4 times more fat from their bellies than those who munch on refined grains. For an extra kick of fiber, dress up your oatmeal with a tablespoon of flaxseed—it’ll add a nutty flavor to your breakfast while boosting the belly-fat fighting powers of oats.

Macadamia Nuts

Research shows that people who eat a handful of nuts two or more times a week are less likely to gain weight than those who don’t nosh on the healthy snack, and macadamia nuts are one of the best choices of the bunch. A single serving (about 10 to 12 pieces) contains 16.7 grams of monounsaturated fats (MUFAs)—a good-for-you fat that’s been shown to increase feelings of satiety, decrease belly fat, and lower bad cholesterol. That’s even higher than what’s found in other popular MUFAs, including avocados and almonds. Just be sure to keep your serving sizes in check. While loaded with healthy fats, macadamia nuts are also calorie dense. Eat too many and the extra calories can contribute to an expanding waistline.

Broccoli, Kale, and Other Leafy Greens

Beat back your bulge by loading up on leafy greens. Cruciferous veggies are rich in folate, a vitamin that helps augment weight loss. A British Journal of Nutrition study found that people with the highest folate levels lost 8.5 times more weight while on a diet. To get your daily amount of folate, choose vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts, and bok choy.

Eggs

Eggs might be nature’s perfect protein. A recent International Journal of Obesity study found that people who ate a 340-calorie egg breakfast 5 days a week for 8 weeks lost 65 percent more weight than those who fueled up on a bagel breakfast that contained the same number of calories. What’s more, the egg eaters saw no change in their cholesterol or triglyceride levels. Eggs are a great source of protein and are, calorie-for-calorie, more effective at building muscle than beef and milk. Whether you like them scrambled, boiled, or fried, make sure to eat the yolk—that’s where the majority of the protein is stored.

Meat (Pasture-Raised and Free Range)

It’s been pounded into our heads to pick lean meats over fattier kinds, but this doesn’t mean chicken is always superior to beef. To cut calories and trim your waistline, opt for free-range and pasture-raised cuts of meat—whether red or white. Grass-fed beef contains about 30 percent less fat than grain-fed versions (about the same amount of fat found in regular skinless chicken breasts); free-range chicken can contain 25 percent less fat than conventionally raised kinds. Free-range foods also pack higher levels of metabolism-boosting omega-3s and conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), a proven belly-fat fighter.

Dark Chocolate

The good news about dark chocolate keeps getting better. Snacking on a little bit of the treat may help curb your appetite and cut cravings for other fatty, salty, or sweet foods, say researchers from the University of Copenhagen. They found that those who ate dark chocolate before a pizza lunch consumed about 15 percent fewer calories when they sat down to eat, compared to those who ate a milk chocolate bar. Dark chocolate is also a source of belly-fat fighting MUFAs, so go ahead, indulge a little.

Beans and Other Legumes

Here’s a tune everyone can dance to: All evidence points to the fact that stocking up on the “musical fruit” can help whittle your middle. A 2008Journal of the American College of Nutrition study found that people who regularly include beans in their diets have smaller waists and weigh about 6.6 pounds less (even though they eat 199 calories more per day) than those who forgo the food. Low in fat and cholesterol, but high in fiber and protein, beans fill you up without weighing you down. An added bonus: Bean eaters tend to have lower blood pressure levels.

Pistachios

If you want to give your daily handful of almonds a rest, try eating pistachios for a change. A UCLA study found that people who ate pistachios as part of their diet for 3 months lost 10 to 12 pounds on average. Like almonds, pistachios are a good source of MUFAs and fiber, and snacking on them is a great way to get part of your daily dose of vitamin B6, copper, and manganese. In addition to helping you flatten your belly, pistachios have also been shown to help lower triglyceride levels.